Everything's An Illusion
by Detective Broadway
Summary: A song fic. Everything's An Illusion by Mayday Parade.


**A/N. OK so, my first song fic. It's only a one-shot because I only used a verse and a chorus. The song it Everything's An Illusion by Mayday Parade. I pictured it set in Remember Me, with a different ending.**

**Enjoy. xo**

I try to sleep but my eyes are open 

I can't think cause my heart is broken 

And there's a bottle right next to me 

I'll down a few drinks just to take the pain away 

I wanna say all the things I need to say 

I won't lie, I'll just tell them honestly 

If God can take a friend away from me 

Then I can say all I want and he won't do anything 

My tongue is weak and every time I try to speak I can't say nothing at all 

Jane lay awake in her bed, as she had for the past nine days. It was fifteen past one in the early morning and she still was having trouble sleeping. _Ha, I should have of let Maura buy me my own personal sleep coach for my birthday after all _Jane thought to herself. She sat up, slouching against the headboard of her bed, wiping the remains of tears off of her face. She brought her knees to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Her heart ached, ached for Maura; ached to be with her.

Jane stared off into space for a while, her mind blank; she couldn't think. She was still, alone. She remembered the item that had gotten her through eight days already, thinking to herself that it'll help her get through the ninth. She moved to reach into the bedside table closest to her on the left, and opened the top drawer. Pulling out a bottle of whiskey, Jane shut the draw and resumed her position against the headboard.

For the next hour, Jane took swigs of the alcohol, wasting the night away, forgetting the world and forgetting the misfortunate events that happened only days before. No matter how much she drank, the pain would never cease, she told herself. Of course it would always be there and why shouldn't it? _I'm such an idiot. It's my fault, and I never got to tell her all the things I wanted to. NO! I'll say them to her. I will, and she'll hear. I know she will. I'll tell her tomorrow. _Jane looked to the clock to check the time, _6:27. Or now, seeing as tomorrow is today._ Somehow, Jane found the will to stand and change her clothes. She wouldn't bother with a shower; she wouldn't be out for that long.

-x-

"Hey Maur, how's it going. It's been what, 9 days now? I know, I know. I'm a bad friend for not coming to see you sooner. But you know me, insufficient, unreliable and all those other things. And yes, lazy too. No, no, I was just spending quality time with my bottle of whisky. And yes, I'm drunk sort of, but not drunk enough to not know what I'm talking about. I have to get some things off my chest, ok. Don't judge me, not that you really can but…" She blew out a puff of air and continued, sitting down on the soft grass.

"First off, and you probably already know this but I'm going to say it anyways. I blame myself, I could've done… something. I don't know what, but I'm sure if I was smarter, like, as smart as you, and if I was only quicker or something, I don't know. God, this is hard." Jane took several deep breaths before continuing, fighting the tears burning at the back of her eyes and the gigantic lump that had resided in her throat.

"I guess this is God's karma, kind of. I killed Hoyt with his favourite weapon; a scalpel. That's his karma; he killed others, so he got killed. But I only kill people who deserve it, not innocents! So why did I need a karma fix, huh? I killed Hoyt, so that good for nothing prison guard… I can't even finish that sentence." There were tears streaming freely down Jane's face now, her voice breaking from time to time during speech, due to the lump in her throat constricting her will to speak.

"I want to tell you so much, Maura. And I'm so sorry, so, so sorry, that I didn't come to your funeral. I couldn't handle it. I knew you'd understand though. I mean, would you have of been able to stand present at my funeral? You know I don't do vulnerable, it sounds selfish and stupid but I mean, you know me. I miss you, so much. It's only been nine days but it feels like centuries and I don't know how I'm going to continue living without you. In all honesty, I really don't know. I can't go back to work, because every little thing will remind me of you. I met you at work, and every time I see the new M.E. I'm just going to hate them. I'll probably never go down there again. I'll never be able to face my colleagues. Maybe, I'll ask for a transfer, to a distant state. I wouldn't go to New York, because every time I'd drive past a boutique or shoe store or something, I'd probably burst into tears, even if it was in 5 years' time from now.

"And I know what you'd say, those cliché comforting words like 'It gets better with time' and 'it only feels like this now, but it won't in a while, the pain will eventually go away'. No. Maybe with other people, but not me. I'm going to be seeing a psychologist for the rest of my life, just to keep sane in public. There's so much I want to say, Maura. I've written it all down, in a diary. I use to write in it almost every day, I wrote to you. Everything I wanted to say, everything I should've said really. And then you'd… and then you di…" Jane was sobbing uncontrollably now. She was covering her mouth with one hand to muffle the noises she was making, and using the other to wipe away the free falling waterfall of tears.

"Maura Isles, I… I l…" Jane sobbed even harder; she couldn't bring herself to say the things she wanted to. No, the things she _needed_ to. Jane reached into her jumper's big front pocket and pulled out a ragged looking book. It was black with a picture of a white, frangipani flower on it. It was approximately a cm thick, and had crease marks all down the spine from the many times Jane had written in it. Jane leaned forward and placed the diary before Maura's headstone. She stood and placed a hand on the tombstone before turning and leaving. _One day. _

Maura Constance Isles.

1981 - 2011

A daughter, a fighter for justice, an LLBFF.

Sleep well, my friend 

There will be another moment we'll meet again

Just let it go

Sleep well, goodnight

You're something to remember

I wish that you were here by my side


End file.
